My first year as a Lesbian

So I’ve been in relationship with a woman now for six months. It has been the most incredible experience of my life. I am almost 34 years old, been married twice, two children 13 and 6. I recently moved to Portland, OR. Which after moving here I learned was a mecca for Lesbians. The percentage of lesbians living in the Portland area is approx. 2.1 percent, higher than the Hollywood area or any other area in the United States.
I have had so many different thoughts since choosing to be with a woman. I am constantly processing feelings, experiences and thoughts that today my girlfriend suggested that I start a blog. So here I am, I don’t know where this will go or what if any reaction it will get. I promise to be open, honest and vulnerable in all of my expressions.
Some of the topics that have crossed my mind are things like… Why are so many Lesbians poor, fat, frumpy? Are they hiding behind the weight that they’ve gained? What are they hiding from? Were they abused at some point in their life? If so, why is it that some women who were abused end up choosing to be a lesbian while others don’t? 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused before they are 18. Yet the amount of gay women in the US is nowhere near 25%. Why are gay men so put together for the most part? We are all given bodies…why aren’t we taking care of them? It can’t be that Lesbians are just more evolved and therefore have no need to look presentable.
Another thought… once in relationship with a woman, becoming friends with other lesbians can be tricky, its not the same as “hey honey…I’m going to the mall with Suzy, be home later” It’s more like “why are you going with Suzy? What’s your intention with her? Are you attracted to her?” Apparently its very common for love triangles to occur within the lesbian world. Oh…do I capitalize Lesbian or is it proper grammar to leave it lower case, obviously I can’t make up my mind and have gone back and forth throughout the above paragraphs.
Do most lesbians feel the amount of freedom I’ve experienced since choosing this lifestyle? I mean, every day I wake up feeling like some piece of my life has finally fallen into place. Personally, since choosing, I have experienced less drama and more peace than ever before. I have heard, and seen that lesbian relationships are far more filled with drama than heterosexual relationships. It seems that cheating is rampant and “open relationships” are the norm.
I imagine that a high percentage of people who are gay have lots of hang ups around sex.
Also, public displays of affection, how many gay and lesbian people feel comfortable walking down the street hand in hand with the person they love? In down town Portland for example, I feel much more comfortable, although at first I found myself dropping my girlfriend’s hand at the sight of a police officer – to which my girlfriend laughed and informed me that I couldn’t be arrested for being a lesbian… J But in places outside of the city, like Beaverton, I feel much less comfortable. It has been so interesting to take notice of my own beliefs about people and how they might react. For instance I am much more afraid of the judgments of older people than younger. While Yoly (my girlfriend) says her experience is that older people judge less. And when will I stop caring about the judgments of people, old or young?
It seems that there are several sub-cultures within the lesbian community…. There are the “new age hippie” lesbians, with their funky dress and unshaven legs and pits. There are the flannel wearing masculine lesbians who make men looks like girls. There are the “Power Lesbians” who seem to seek success through material wealth. There are the “gender neutral” lesbians, you know who you are. There are the “Portia de Rossi” lesbians wearing their lipstick and carrying their purses. There are the “sporty spices”. Oh and the ever frightening “Prison Lesbian”. It should be noted that obviously having aspects of more than one of these sub-cultures is common, I’m not so ignorant as to think we all fall within only one of these. Are there some I’ve missed….please educate me! I consider myself to be a new age hippie/Portia de Rossi/sporty spice lesbian…..I guess we can call it the “New Age Portia Spice” for short.
This is just a start….So much to talk about it…..
Honesty Vulnerably Openly

Randi aka N.A.P.S.

P.S. I’m still waiting for my lesbian manual to arrive in the mail….and my girlfriend is wondering where she can file a complaint for the late arrival of the toaster she was awarded for “recruiting me”.