Congratulations to Mexico City’s gay couples
Timothy Kincaid
March 4th, 2010
I’m sure there is a word or phrase for the residents of Mexico City, but I don’t know what it is. So I’ll be expansive and say felicitaciones por su día de la boda to all Mexican gays. Today is the first day that same-sex couples can marry in that nation’s capital. (Beating out the US Capital by a week)
And the judges are ready (Americas Quarterly)
Seventy judges in the Federal District of Mexico underwent sensitivity training today at the Instituto Mexicano de Sexología in preparation for this Thursday, when same-sex marriage becomes legal in the district. According to the Judicial and Legal Services Council the workshops are intended to ensure that ceremonies are performed without “discrimination”.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
City of Roses
I was laying in bed this morning thinking about having joined the Rose City Softball League last weekend. Try-outs were held on Sunday. I decided to join because a. I thought it would be a great way to get involved in the lesbian community, b. I'm an athlete with a competitive spirit and c. I love to socialize.
When we arrived at the field and began to look around at all of the players I have to admit, I was pretty intimidated. 90% of the players, based solely on their looks, were the "dikey" lesbians. I commented to Yoly that this may be the closest I ever to get to experiencing prison. I felt that I needed to quickly find the most bad ass woman there to protect me.
Try-outs proceeded and I grabbed a mit and went for it. The thing I started to notice over the next couple of hours was the space of non-judgment and welcoming that I experienced. There is a feeling of inclusion that had been rare. Is it that there is this common thread and therefore an understanding? These women were warm, supportive and funny! Very funny! Why is it that so many gay/lesbian people are gifted with humor? Has anyone else ever noticed this?
Since Sunday, I have found myself completely excited about getting to know these women, where they come from, how they process, what they want for themselves, how they see the world. Practice starts the 14th. I'll keep you posted on my findings.
NAPS
When we arrived at the field and began to look around at all of the players I have to admit, I was pretty intimidated. 90% of the players, based solely on their looks, were the "dikey" lesbians. I commented to Yoly that this may be the closest I ever to get to experiencing prison. I felt that I needed to quickly find the most bad ass woman there to protect me.
Try-outs proceeded and I grabbed a mit and went for it. The thing I started to notice over the next couple of hours was the space of non-judgment and welcoming that I experienced. There is a feeling of inclusion that had been rare. Is it that there is this common thread and therefore an understanding? These women were warm, supportive and funny! Very funny! Why is it that so many gay/lesbian people are gifted with humor? Has anyone else ever noticed this?
Since Sunday, I have found myself completely excited about getting to know these women, where they come from, how they process, what they want for themselves, how they see the world. Practice starts the 14th. I'll keep you posted on my findings.
NAPS
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
CHOICE
First off….I got a ton of responses…all offering insight and food for thought and blogging! I had one response taking notice of my use of the word CHOICE. It’s true that I do believe I have chosen the life I am living. Every bit of it for that matter. This topic happened to be on the top of my list for things to blog about.
Do we choose our sexual orientation? Or are we born the way we are? And …. If it seems that we were born the way we are, does that mean we didn’t choose it? Big questions! I don’t have all of the answers.
The only thing I do know is how I choose to see the world. There’s that word again!
I have been told in many discussions that there are some people who feel they are simply more attracted to one sex or the other. While some tell me that they could go either way.
We are all here to learn what we are here to learn. Based on those lessons, I think we create the exact situations or roles in life for optimal learning.
Take my life for example… I have been attracted to women for as long as I can remember. Looking back on my life I can recall far more instances where my attraction to the same sex was much more intense than my attraction to the opposite sex. However, I have spent my life until now in relationships with men. My relationships with men have been a struggle, chaotic, painful, abusive at times … not fun! I could tell you exactly the reason I have had them that way… that’s an hour on a couch for sure. And I could, if I wanted to, spend the rest of my life figuring out how to make them work. How to shift my own beliefs about myself and men. All the while hitting my head against a wall and burning through man after man.
Yoly... with her very boyish looks and feminine energy, came to the conclusion that she was a lesbian at the age of 18 and cringes at the thought of being with a man. But if you ask her, which I have, she will tell you that she could have chosen to be in relationship with a man. She’s confident she could have found a man who she could successfully partner with, if she had chosen to.
I think that as the level of consciousness increases, the amount of labels and black and white thinking starts to decrease. What are we all really looking for anyway? Love? Security? Understanding? Connection? Intimacy? Does the anatomy of a person determine where you will find those things?
I know this is a tricky topic for a lot of people. I can hear echoes of past conversations … “I absolutely did not choose” “This is just who I am” “How dare you imply that I would choose this life given how difficult it is”.
Again I don’t have the answers… but to quote Lynne Sheridan …. “Given the two options….living my life from a place of victim or responsible, I choose responsible” It’s just more fun, I think!
What do you think?
Do we choose our sexual orientation? Or are we born the way we are? And …. If it seems that we were born the way we are, does that mean we didn’t choose it? Big questions! I don’t have all of the answers.
The only thing I do know is how I choose to see the world. There’s that word again!
I have been told in many discussions that there are some people who feel they are simply more attracted to one sex or the other. While some tell me that they could go either way.
We are all here to learn what we are here to learn. Based on those lessons, I think we create the exact situations or roles in life for optimal learning.
Take my life for example… I have been attracted to women for as long as I can remember. Looking back on my life I can recall far more instances where my attraction to the same sex was much more intense than my attraction to the opposite sex. However, I have spent my life until now in relationships with men. My relationships with men have been a struggle, chaotic, painful, abusive at times … not fun! I could tell you exactly the reason I have had them that way… that’s an hour on a couch for sure. And I could, if I wanted to, spend the rest of my life figuring out how to make them work. How to shift my own beliefs about myself and men. All the while hitting my head against a wall and burning through man after man.
Yoly... with her very boyish looks and feminine energy, came to the conclusion that she was a lesbian at the age of 18 and cringes at the thought of being with a man. But if you ask her, which I have, she will tell you that she could have chosen to be in relationship with a man. She’s confident she could have found a man who she could successfully partner with, if she had chosen to.
I think that as the level of consciousness increases, the amount of labels and black and white thinking starts to decrease. What are we all really looking for anyway? Love? Security? Understanding? Connection? Intimacy? Does the anatomy of a person determine where you will find those things?
I know this is a tricky topic for a lot of people. I can hear echoes of past conversations … “I absolutely did not choose” “This is just who I am” “How dare you imply that I would choose this life given how difficult it is”.
Again I don’t have the answers… but to quote Lynne Sheridan …. “Given the two options….living my life from a place of victim or responsible, I choose responsible” It’s just more fun, I think!
What do you think?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
My first year as a Lesbian
So I’ve been in relationship with a woman now for six months. It has been the most incredible experience of my life. I am almost 34 years old, been married twice, two children 13 and 6. I recently moved to Portland, OR. Which after moving here I learned was a mecca for Lesbians. The percentage of lesbians living in the Portland area is approx. 2.1 percent, higher than the Hollywood area or any other area in the United States.
I have had so many different thoughts since choosing to be with a woman. I am constantly processing feelings, experiences and thoughts that today my girlfriend suggested that I start a blog. So here I am, I don’t know where this will go or what if any reaction it will get. I promise to be open, honest and vulnerable in all of my expressions.
Some of the topics that have crossed my mind are things like… Why are so many Lesbians poor, fat, frumpy? Are they hiding behind the weight that they’ve gained? What are they hiding from? Were they abused at some point in their life? If so, why is it that some women who were abused end up choosing to be a lesbian while others don’t? 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused before they are 18. Yet the amount of gay women in the US is nowhere near 25%. Why are gay men so put together for the most part? We are all given bodies…why aren’t we taking care of them? It can’t be that Lesbians are just more evolved and therefore have no need to look presentable.
Another thought… once in relationship with a woman, becoming friends with other lesbians can be tricky, its not the same as “hey honey…I’m going to the mall with Suzy, be home later” It’s more like “why are you going with Suzy? What’s your intention with her? Are you attracted to her?” Apparently its very common for love triangles to occur within the lesbian world. Oh…do I capitalize Lesbian or is it proper grammar to leave it lower case, obviously I can’t make up my mind and have gone back and forth throughout the above paragraphs.
Do most lesbians feel the amount of freedom I’ve experienced since choosing this lifestyle? I mean, every day I wake up feeling like some piece of my life has finally fallen into place. Personally, since choosing, I have experienced less drama and more peace than ever before. I have heard, and seen that lesbian relationships are far more filled with drama than heterosexual relationships. It seems that cheating is rampant and “open relationships” are the norm.
I imagine that a high percentage of people who are gay have lots of hang ups around sex.
Also, public displays of affection, how many gay and lesbian people feel comfortable walking down the street hand in hand with the person they love? In down town Portland for example, I feel much more comfortable, although at first I found myself dropping my girlfriend’s hand at the sight of a police officer – to which my girlfriend laughed and informed me that I couldn’t be arrested for being a lesbian… J But in places outside of the city, like Beaverton, I feel much less comfortable. It has been so interesting to take notice of my own beliefs about people and how they might react. For instance I am much more afraid of the judgments of older people than younger. While Yoly (my girlfriend) says her experience is that older people judge less. And when will I stop caring about the judgments of people, old or young?
It seems that there are several sub-cultures within the lesbian community…. There are the “new age hippie” lesbians, with their funky dress and unshaven legs and pits. There are the flannel wearing masculine lesbians who make men looks like girls. There are the “Power Lesbians” who seem to seek success through material wealth. There are the “gender neutral” lesbians, you know who you are. There are the “Portia de Rossi” lesbians wearing their lipstick and carrying their purses. There are the “sporty spices”. Oh and the ever frightening “Prison Lesbian”. It should be noted that obviously having aspects of more than one of these sub-cultures is common, I’m not so ignorant as to think we all fall within only one of these. Are there some I’ve missed….please educate me! I consider myself to be a new age hippie/Portia de Rossi/sporty spice lesbian…..I guess we can call it the “New Age Portia Spice” for short.
This is just a start….So much to talk about it…..
Honesty Vulnerably Openly
Randi aka N.A.P.S.
P.S. I’m still waiting for my lesbian manual to arrive in the mail….and my girlfriend is wondering where she can file a complaint for the late arrival of the toaster she was awarded for “recruiting me”.
I have had so many different thoughts since choosing to be with a woman. I am constantly processing feelings, experiences and thoughts that today my girlfriend suggested that I start a blog. So here I am, I don’t know where this will go or what if any reaction it will get. I promise to be open, honest and vulnerable in all of my expressions.
Some of the topics that have crossed my mind are things like… Why are so many Lesbians poor, fat, frumpy? Are they hiding behind the weight that they’ve gained? What are they hiding from? Were they abused at some point in their life? If so, why is it that some women who were abused end up choosing to be a lesbian while others don’t? 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused before they are 18. Yet the amount of gay women in the US is nowhere near 25%. Why are gay men so put together for the most part? We are all given bodies…why aren’t we taking care of them? It can’t be that Lesbians are just more evolved and therefore have no need to look presentable.
Another thought… once in relationship with a woman, becoming friends with other lesbians can be tricky, its not the same as “hey honey…I’m going to the mall with Suzy, be home later” It’s more like “why are you going with Suzy? What’s your intention with her? Are you attracted to her?” Apparently its very common for love triangles to occur within the lesbian world. Oh…do I capitalize Lesbian or is it proper grammar to leave it lower case, obviously I can’t make up my mind and have gone back and forth throughout the above paragraphs.
Do most lesbians feel the amount of freedom I’ve experienced since choosing this lifestyle? I mean, every day I wake up feeling like some piece of my life has finally fallen into place. Personally, since choosing, I have experienced less drama and more peace than ever before. I have heard, and seen that lesbian relationships are far more filled with drama than heterosexual relationships. It seems that cheating is rampant and “open relationships” are the norm.
I imagine that a high percentage of people who are gay have lots of hang ups around sex.
Also, public displays of affection, how many gay and lesbian people feel comfortable walking down the street hand in hand with the person they love? In down town Portland for example, I feel much more comfortable, although at first I found myself dropping my girlfriend’s hand at the sight of a police officer – to which my girlfriend laughed and informed me that I couldn’t be arrested for being a lesbian… J But in places outside of the city, like Beaverton, I feel much less comfortable. It has been so interesting to take notice of my own beliefs about people and how they might react. For instance I am much more afraid of the judgments of older people than younger. While Yoly (my girlfriend) says her experience is that older people judge less. And when will I stop caring about the judgments of people, old or young?
It seems that there are several sub-cultures within the lesbian community…. There are the “new age hippie” lesbians, with their funky dress and unshaven legs and pits. There are the flannel wearing masculine lesbians who make men looks like girls. There are the “Power Lesbians” who seem to seek success through material wealth. There are the “gender neutral” lesbians, you know who you are. There are the “Portia de Rossi” lesbians wearing their lipstick and carrying their purses. There are the “sporty spices”. Oh and the ever frightening “Prison Lesbian”. It should be noted that obviously having aspects of more than one of these sub-cultures is common, I’m not so ignorant as to think we all fall within only one of these. Are there some I’ve missed….please educate me! I consider myself to be a new age hippie/Portia de Rossi/sporty spice lesbian…..I guess we can call it the “New Age Portia Spice” for short.
This is just a start….So much to talk about it…..
Honesty Vulnerably Openly
Randi aka N.A.P.S.
P.S. I’m still waiting for my lesbian manual to arrive in the mail….and my girlfriend is wondering where she can file a complaint for the late arrival of the toaster she was awarded for “recruiting me”.
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